SOME years ago, when I was living in Singapore, I returned home one evening and noticed policemen gathered on the lower ground floor.

When I reached my flat, I saw my neighbour’s Indonesian maid standing at her gate. I asked if she knew why the police were around. She said someone had jumped and that she had seen the body fall. I could feel the weight of her shock.

A few days later, after speaking to other neighbours in the block, it came to light that the person who had jumped was an elderly lady staying with her son. Her husband had recently passed away and she had been feeling lonely and sad.

I could not stop wondering if I could have done something – anything – to prevent that. What if I had met her and offered a listening ear? Was she someone I might have passed near the lift or at the letterboxes?

From then on, I made a small but intentional decision: everyone I came across in my building would get a greeting – “good morning,” “good afternoon” or “good evening”. Whenever I got into the lift, especially during the morning rush to work, I would greet everyone inside with a cheerful “good morning”.

At first I saw their startled looks – they probably thought, “Huh? Why is she greeting us?” Once, a child even asked his mother, “Mummy, do you know this aunty? Why is she talking to you?” The polite mother smiled and said, “She’s just being friendly” – though I sometimes wonder if she really wanted to say, “She’s a little odd”.

Over time, things began to shift. The people I saw regularly started smiling back. Some even beat me to the greeting, which was nice.

Eventually, we moved into small talk – about the heavy rain, the blazing sun, dinner plans or how long the lift was taking.

These small moments were reminders that we are not just passing shadows to each other – we are neighbours, living side by side. A simple “hello” may not change someone’s world but it may remind them that they are not invisible.

Why have we become so inward, withdrawn and isolated?

Here are a few possible reasons:

Emotional fatigue and over-stimulation

The constant influx of bad news, social comparison and information overload can make us become emotionally numb or guarded. Technology keeps us looking at screens rather than at each other.

Fear of rejection or awkwardness

Many people fear that reaching out – even with something as simple as a greeting – might be met with coldness, confusion or judgement.

Racial and religious divisions

This was not always an issue. Where did it come from? How did we learn to fear what is different?

The aftershock of the pandemic

Covid-19 has changed how people interact. Physical distancing became emotional distancing, too. Some are still relearning how to be around others again, how to make small talk and how to feel safe in closeness.

The science of connection

The University of Chicago studies show that chronic loneliness triggers a stress response in the body – increasing inflammation and compromising the immune system. This helps explain why socially isolated individuals face higher rates of cardiovascular disease, cognitive decline and even cancer.

Neurologically, social interaction activates our brain’s reward pathways. When someone acknowledges us with a greeting, our brains release oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”) along with dopamine and serotonin – neurotransmitters associated with pleasure and well-being. That chemical boost can subtly lift our mood for the whole day.

Even more compelling is how these moments add up. Social psychologist Dr Barbara Fredrickson’s research shows that positive micro-moments of connection can create an upward spiral of emotional well-being. Over time, they build our resilience and capacity for empathy.

How can we change or improve?

Here are a few ways to start reconnecting with the people around us, and with the present moment:

– Put your phone away in places where casual connection is possible: on the bus, train, dining table or at the hairdresser while waiting in line. Look up. Say hello.

– Make small talk in the lift or the lobby while waiting. Compliment someone – their hairstyle, shoes or bag. Ask if they have tried the cafe nearby.

– Do not worry about saying something profound. Say something real. “Oh, the jam outside was so bad today” or “I came from KL and it was raining so heavily, but here, not a drop.”

– Ask for simple recommendations – “What is good around here for lunch?”

– If they are with children, ask about them – their age, school or hobbies.

– Comment on the shared moment – “So hot today!” or “Feels so fresh after the rain, doesn’t it?”

These tiny gestures of connection do matter. We may never know what someone is carrying but we can let them know, even in a passing moment, that “I see you. You matter”.

Nahlana T. Kreshnan is a somatic psychotherapist and life and executive coach.

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