IF I were to put on my cultural cap, I would say that much of the bullying and troubling behaviour we see in schools, homes and workplaces stems from deeply embedded societal structures.

Ours is a society shaped by hierarchy, patriarchy and a masculine-driven worldview. These cultural dimensions – while often invisible – set the tone for how people behave, how they treat one another and who gets to be heard.

In hierarchical cultures, power is unevenly distributed. Those in senior positions often feel entitled to dominate or control others. This dynamics is especially apparent in schools, where senior boys frequently bully younger ones.

The rite of passage becomes one of intimidation rather than mentorship. Because these behaviours are often tolerated, excused or ignored, a dangerous message is passed on: power gives you the right to dominate.

Patriarchy reinforces this further. It places men – particularly adult men – at the top of the social order, often giving them unchecked authority.

In such a setting, assertive women are ridiculed, labelled as aggressive or unfeminine. Women who speak up are often dismissed as “too much” while men who display the same behaviour are praised as confident and courageous leaders. This double standards silence women and reinforces a culture where male dominance is normalised.

In a masculine-driven culture, traits like aggression, control and emotional detachment are rewarded in boys. As a result, young boys grow up believing that exerting control over others, especially those perceived as weaker, is a sign of strength.

They are conditioned to suppress empathy and are rarely given the language or space to express vulnerability. Consequently, some boys learn to exert their masculinity through harmful behaviours: bullying, sexual harassment and in extreme cases, sexual violence.

This pattern must stop. We need to reshape the landscape in which our boys grow up and help them understand that strength comes not from dominance but from respect, empathy and self-awareness.

One way forward is through the active promotion of positive masculinity – an approach that celebrates the best qualities in boys and men while challenging harmful behaviours and attitudes.

What is positive masculinity? It involves teaching boys that they do not need to suppress their emotions to be “manly”. It emphasises responsibility, compassion, integrity and the strength to stand up against peer pressure.

Boys should be encouraged to listen, to question injustice and to treat all people, regardless of gender, with respect.

This should start early. In schools, there must be structured conversations about gender roles, power dynamics and consent.

Too often, discussions on sexual harassment and respect are only directed at girls – teaching them to protect themselves – while boys are left out of the conversation altogether. This is a missed opportunity. Boys must be explicitly taught that respect is non-negotiable, consent is not a grey area and true strength means looking out for others, not overpowering them.

We need role models – male teachers, fathers, coaches and community leaders – who can walk the talk. Boys mirror what they see. If the men in their lives treat women as equals, express their emotions healthily and speak out against injustice, boys are more likely to adopt the same values.

Schools and communities should also adopt policies that do not tolerate bullying and harassment, no matter who commits it.

When senior boys bully their juniors, it should not be dismissed as “boys being boys”. There must be consequences, but more importantly, there must be opportunities for learning and reform.

Restorative justice practices, for instance, can help victims and perpetrators understand the impact of their actions.

Equally important is creating safe spaces for boys to talk. Many boys carry pain, confusion and pressure but are told to “man up”. If we can provide environments where boys can share, ask questions and learn from one another, we can build emotional intelligence and empathy – key ingredients of respectful behaviour.

The work of promoting positive masculinity is not just about boys and men. It is about creating a culture where everyone, regardless of gender, can thrive without fear of being bullied, silenced or violated.

By reshaping our cultural narratives and expectations, we can give our boys the tools they need to become men who uplift, protect and value others. Let us begin in our homes, schools and workplaces. Let us redefine what it means to be a man – not through power over others but through how well we respect and care for those around us.

Dr Asma Abdullah is an interculturalist, trainer and coach.

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