Simple, intentional steps to balance work life, strengthen family bonds, and revive long-term relationships
Q: I ADMIT I’m a workaholic. Over the next year, I want to be more present with my wife and children and less consumed by work. However, I worry that I have lost the ability to step off the treadmill and leave the rat race behind. What suggestions do you have?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Clearly identifying your priorities can help you regain a sense of focus but first you need to reflect on what and who matters most to you.
While making major lifestyle changes may be worth considering in the long run, the immediate key is to learn how to shift gears: to slow down, disconnect from work and mentally transition into being present at home.
You can likely make small changes to your routine that help you step out of your work-based identity and leave your “office self” behind.
For example, set clear boundaries around after-hours emails and other work communications. The goal is simple: when you are at home, be fully present with your spouse and children.
When you arrive home each evening, greet your wife first, then your children. Take a few minutes to sit with her and talk quietly before turning to your phone or the TV.
You may even go to your bedroom and change clothes – both literally and figuratively. By consciously adopting the mindset of a loving husband and attentive father, much like slipping into a comfortable old shirt, you can fully settle into being at home. Focus on the present moment and allow business concerns to wait.
Q: My wife and I have been married for 30 years, but we seem to be growing further apart each day. Aside from our children, grandchildren and shared community involvement, we hardly communicate. What can we do to reconnect and restore our relationship to what it once was?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Remember that love is a choice. Healthy relationships are built when both partners choose to love each other, even in moments when they may not feel like it.
Rediscovering the bond that first brought you together is a process. By taking small, intentional steps and making the most of everyday, you can move towards that goal.
0 Start by committing to fight the negative and preconceived beliefs that have built up over the years.
0 Write a list of the things you cherish about your spouse, both from when you first met and now. Read that list daily and continue adding to it.
0 Look for at least one opportunity each day to compliment your wife – express gratitude or offer encouragement. Aim to spend about 20 minutes daily simply talking – without complaining, arguing or managing logistics – just connecting.
0 Become a student of your spouse. When you express genuine curiosity about what interests her, like when you first met, you will discover new ways to support and appreciate her – and she is most likely to reciprocate.
0 Start dating again, preferably weekly. Invite her out, make an effort to dress up, try new places and enjoy each other’s company. Reminisce about what drew you together in the first place and take time to dream about the future.
0 Develop new shared interests or revisit ones you once enjoyed together.
Your marriage is worth the effort – choose each day, making it a priority.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my.
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The Sun Malaysia
