Q: My wife and I have been married for almost three years but we are both unhappy, and honestly, we have had plenty of other options. What is your suggestion before we make a decision to split up?

Focus on the Family Malaysia: The fact that you are even asking this question, instead of just divorcing, is a good sign. It means there is still something worth examining, and perhaps, preserving.

Consider this: research has showed that two-thirds of unhappy couples who chose to stay together reported that their relationship significantly improved within five years. However, to achieve this, it will require intentional and strategic decisions from both partners.

This is a metaphor from classic literature. In The Odyssey, Odysseus encounters the Island of the
Sirens – creatures whose hauntingly beautiful songs lure sailors off course, trapping them forever. But Odysseus, knowing the danger ahead, takes precautions. He orders his crew to plug their ears with wax and has himself tied to the mast of the ship, so he can endure the temptation without giving in.

The point is this: sometimes the hardest part of a relationship is not the presence of difficulty but the willingness to navigate through it – deliberately, together, with a shared sense of purpose.

If you and your spouse can commit to understanding the “Sirens” in your own marriage – the distractions, frustrations or unmet needs – you may still find a way forward.

In today’s culture, marriage can feel increasingly transient. Too often, couples walk away at the first sign of trouble. But marriage isn’t just a contract; it is a covenant – a deeply rooted commitment meant to
carry us through life’s most difficult circumstances.

It is a vow that sometimes calls us to “tie ourselves to the mast” – to stand firm, even when everything around us tempts us to abandon ship. That means learning to silence the voices that suggest divorce is the easier or only way out.

If your marriage is unhappy, that does not mean it is beyond repair. It is not too late. Choose to commit your relationship to a path of growth and healing.

With intention and effort, you and your spouse may rediscover not just what first brought you together, but also the kind of partnership you have always hoped for.

Q: I have been happily married for six years and have a few close male friends at work. Occasionally, things get a little flirty – nothing serious – and I’m pretty sure my husband experiences the same with some of his female coworkers. As long as nothing physical happens, is it still harmless?

Focus on the Family Malaysia: You may not think of infatuation as a mind-altering drug but counsellor Dave Carder, who has spent over 30 years studying the roots of infidelity, would argue otherwise.

He believes infatuation can be as powerful and disorienting as any substance.

According to Carder, most people don’t wake up one day and decide, “I think I’ll destroy my marriage today”. Affairs rarely begin with a clear, intentional decision.

Instead, they tend to develop gradually – through subtle emotional connections, innocent conversations and casual flirtation – until people find themselves in territory they never meant to enter.

People caught up in infatuation often do irrational things. They behave as if they are under the influence of a mind-altering substance.

As Carder points out, infatuation can intoxicate the mind. It clouds judgement, overrides logic and dulls awareness of how one’s actions affect others.

To protect your marriage, it is essential to watch for the early warning signs that your emotional boundaries may be slipping. It often begins subtly, like finding yourself saving certain conversations for someone outside your marriage because, in your mind, they understand you better than your spouse does.

You may start sharing personal or intimate details about your marriage with this person. And when you begin looking forward to seeing them more than your spouse, it is a clear sign your feelings have crossed a line.

These red flags are often subtle – but they matter. Every marriage goes through dry spells; it is part of
being in a long-term relationship. And during those times, you are more vulnerable to emotional drift.

Infatuation can cloud your judgement to the point where reason disappears – and at that stage, little stands in the way of a full-blown affair.

To avoid making one of the most painful mistakes of your life, stay aware of your emotional attachments and keep your boundaries strong. Protect your marriage by staying honest – with yourself and with your spouse.

This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my.

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